Paul Newman

I have nothing else to lose

Posted on March 5, 2013

9:30 o’clock. On each of the office desks are laid out our resignation letters.

-What is this? I asked.
-You resignation, of course, tells my boss. So, come on, quickly, start to sign them, so at the end of today to have all the resignations in a glossary!

What “wonderful” way to start the day!

-We will terminate your employee contracts and from now on you will be self-employed. You will see, it’s more advantageous… CEO says.

The decision was so quickly taken, so nobody had time to react. Practically we were amazed about what’s happening and the only thing we could do was to joke on the situation. One of our colleagues shoot on camera the entire scene. He happily said he will upload it on YouTube. And suddenly everything is transforming into a “resignation party” (similar to “milestone party” from the end of a project): we thrown with the papers, we offered autographs one to another, we took pictures with our resignations, was… a total madness.

The R&D Project Manager, scarred about what is happening, candidly asks me:

-How can you be so “detached” in current situation?

-What can I change? The news took me by surprise.

-I sincerely admire your resistance until this moment! Forget about the insults you have endured from the “gang” of Experts

-What insults? I ask him smiling.

Insults? What insults? I become immune to insults. I get used to be insulted. During the years I learn how to handle the stress, failures and jeering challenges. How did I achieve that? Practicably I become deaf. I cannot longer hear as if a projectile exploded just few feet away from me. I lost hearing and voice. In the meetings, I cannot hear anymore the words, I only see peoples lips moving. I approve everything by shaking the head, without a word, in perfect quietly… People are satisfied when I approve them, even if they speak only nonsense… Such an ignorance is in the same time comic and scary!

The latest events: collective dismissals, administrative changes, the relocation from up and down, has destroyed my final redoubt of dignity. I become insensitive about what is happening and what will follow.

–If I were you, I would have resign long time ago! continues my PM colleague. I don’t have enough experience to hire in another company, on a similar position… But you have experience! I don’t understand…Why don’t you leave?

-I don’t know… I answered thoughtfully.

And where should I go? This is my home, in this place I died and reborn many times, this place is my “creation”. I bond with my work and I feel the “prisoner” of my own creation.

At the end of the working day, I sign my resignation. From now on, I have nothing else to lose…

Further reading: Back to the future.

PreviousThe Journey Closes to an End.

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