experts

Who are The Experts?

Posted on November 7, 2012

CEO hired a group of “Experts” in Marketing and Sales in order to offer consultancy to executive board in our company. So called “Experts” were good old friends or former employees of CEO, with questionable expertise, with few experience in technical marketing (F-Startup was a combination of IT and Marketing programs). The shock troupe was thrown by CEO in each negotiations with business partners or whenever wanted to justified his decisions in front of shareholders using their analysis.

Why Experts exist in F-Startup?

For the same reason friends exist. In F-Startup, an Expert is either a friend, fellow, business partner or friend of friend of someone from management. When friends need a job, they receive a job of “Expert”. A part of service providers were also “Experts”.

Types of Experts

In our start-up exist several typologies of “Experts”: Sales, Public Relations, Customer Research, Online Marketing.

The Salesman: knows everything, except how to sell. He jokes a lot, but he doesn’t like others jokes on him. Pay excessive attention to the opposite sex. Say “yes” even before you ask him something. Know the “hood talk”, which he uses also in business discussions. He can sell anything but our products.

Public Relation Expert (PR Expert) is the man did everything in his life, he knows everything and in each debate uses the supreme argument: “my unique experience gives me right“. Like a “true” man of PR, he talks less. Is calm. Always neutral. Each conflict he reconciles through non-involvement. In business relations, likes to flourish and say things he neither believes. Has his own business and the current job is just a hobby. You don’t see him ever work and anything is linked to “work” surely is not related to him, because in his vision PR is more talk, less work. However if is “forced” to work, against his expectations, he suddenly is getting sick, disappear with hours on good reasons: “I am not paid enough to to this job“. PR Expert is multilaterally developed and can in parallel multiple roles: legal expert, customer relation, user experience design, business development, sales, but nothing seems to do right. When it doesn’t work out, he always found guilty.

Customer Researcher Expert is altruist, that’s why is by far the nicest Expert. He is does everything, as other Experts, except what he should do: market research. Takes notes like a secretary do not miss a word in the operational meeting. Is easily manipulated and because of this is very appreciated by his superiors. He likes job of web designer, graphical artist, user experience designer more than customer researcher job, and seems he choose completely wrong his career. The word “Priorities” has no meaning for him, its just a word from a dictionary starting with “P“. As a protege of CEO, has tended to be unruly, to go beyond his authority by dictating to others: “You need”, “I know better”, “Everyone does it!”, “Make it so”. Luckily, no one takes him seriously and that makes him very enjoyable.

Marketing Expert is a she. She is always confused. The only point of equilibrium in his life is Facebook, she frantically explores more than office emails. Any question related to marketing take her by surprise. The only knowledge, she has as a Marketeer, are Facebook and Google Analytics, she uses at novice level. Fortunately, she has a young spirit, is bohemian, doesn’t care of no one and nothing, does not bother anyone and, when she is not involved, the company works better.

Experts Manifesto

In F-Startup, Expert notion is like a manifest against logic:

An Expert could be anyone with few months of work experience, because his expertise is sustained by the 25 years of life experience.

or

Anyone having Facebook account is considered expert in Social network and Communication. 

or

Anyone using Google Analytics is an Expert in Marketing Research or Marketing Online.

or

Any friend or former employee of someone from top management is an Expert.

Read next: Ups! We are fired!

PreviousModern Times.

Be the first to leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>